Floating in the Clouds

I'm not entirely at rest or calm. I want to be. I have some anxiety. I have a lot of reasons to be anxious. While there seems to be a lot of good sexual chemistry, I wonder if telling you more about myself will turn you off? lol How much do I care to keep it just sexual, or wanting to be your friend? I like the thought of being your sexual plaything lover (I'm having a hard time in thinking how to word it), but I'm anxious for more of a connection. I really don't think you want to betray me, or make me feel betrayed. It is a big deal for me to be betrayed, and yes, I am very capable of keeping a man shut out of my life. I don't like the way it feels like Jon is around. I do hate Jon for life. He has done a large number of things that were extremely offensive and damaging. You do not want to have a guilty association with Jon. .... I have a hard time in knowing what to believe about you. There are times I feel convinced you have a sincere desire and lust for me, and other times outside of that where I question if you feel obligated to me. Do you really have some kind of jealous and possessive lust for me? Do you have some kind of anger where you seriously want to take care of me? Are you more mad that you feel you have to take care of me, feel stuck with me, feel obligated? While I have many other random issues over so many different things as Bollywood and other thoughts racing through my mind, these are part of the main thoughts that race through my mind. I have a certain level of confidence for people who are wealthy, famous, and out of my league in some ways. I'm just not one who likes to be bullied or pushed around. Sometimes, it feels like it is a tough fight to fight for some kind of fair civility, and some people are different than others. I get very upset when I have no other choice to fight for some kind of fairness or civility or have to scream at a person's prejudices or prejudiced denial. I've had my fair share of hits and bruises, but I can only take so much. I really am a sensitive person. I really don't know what I'm doing. I'm not sure what you're out to do either. I almost feel a little light headed sometimes, but I'm trying to stay cool and calm. There really are a lot of things about you and wherever it is you want to go that feel more stressing at some times than others. While I feel some connection with you, there is not enough connection with you, and once again the main issue of Bollywood and having normal communication and being able to normally reach each other. I hope you're having a good weekend. xo