For the sake of

I havn't figured out what exact word I could use to end that phrase right now. ... I hate pushy blame games. I've been living in my own little world for a long time and become aware sometimes when it gets shaken a little. ... I can be very sophisticated and detailed when I want to be. Some people are definitely more terrible and terrorizing than others when it comes to wanting to have a certain amount of control and especially a large amount of control with no shame. There is one specific direction I could look at right now that seems a little edgy. Not everyone lives in the same world with the same rules and same games and I know that thought especially doesn't cross a man's mind that much as though everyone is on his same page and understands his whole world. No. I know it is typical of some people to shoot from one extreme to another if I would have an opinion or side on something. Just because I would root for James Brown's "It's a Man's World," song, doesn't mean I root for the most extreme chauvenism or control. I do dream of the day I can carry on a good conversation where some people wouldn't have an extreme or defensive approach with whatever could be on my mind: How dare I be the queen to my own castle in my own little world? I went on a separate trail than what I wanted but I vent a little to know there are several directions I could look where I'm blackmailed, threatened, missaid or lied against in some way or another. There are people who are on a mission to trap and hunt with their own rules, and most of the times, worst intelligence. I don't always think my sense of fairness out loud. I always know to myself what is fair to me. I don't always mock others out loud either but I know I mock other's fairness and possessiveness. I especially have a hard time in being defensive because it is usually further assumed that I am letting someone have their rule or way with me when I'm not on the same page... In my younger years I assumed more often that men meant to be more of a missionary than a hunter. Some don't care, others get enraged with jealousy that I would want to be rescued from something they didn't want me rescued from: Things that weren't understood, things I may never have seen or could get. ... I believe some men believe to be some kind of missionary from time to time in some ways or another although its not always the approach that I seek. There is a question of reason that remains and I've experienced many instances where I was never able to find out the reason to some things. There is a reason that I never knew.