As the Sarah Turns, Random Thoughts

What a busy, stressful week. Still having troubles with insomnia, but I at least got 2 or 3 days of good rest this week. There is just not enough time in the day. .... I'm glad there was an event going on today. Mitzi and I had a place to go and something to do, rather than just stick around the house. ...... I have a little bit of drama and anxiety and wish I had more things to relieve myself and more stuff to know about some people. The Dr. is still on my mind and in my head and I don't know how foolish it is or what I can do right now. I'm getting anxious and impatient and want to be put out of my misery. I'm still not sold on believing anything about him. I think he knows and understands the dangerous man that Jon is and that everything is still an awkward situation. It is a sad picture of the Stockholm food chain. The thing I'm most upset about is, if the Dr. had to choose between Jon and I, which one would he choose? Does status and being gay matter the most, or would he seriously prefer to have me? I know Jon still acts as if he still wants me, but he has been such a serious fuck up hater and has let me down so extremely, he'll always be this nightmare. I know if I were to choose between Jon and the Dr. today, I'd pick the Dr. instead of Jon. I know Jon is a Dr. too, but I don't think Dr. M would be the nightmare and make me live in the misery that Jon makes me live in. I have some hopes for the Dr., but I'm not the type to have high hopes or expectations of anyone. Who knows what would come of anything? I don't have much more to say of my other crushes for now. I'm not sure if it would be dangerous for me to keep messing around with other men. I feel like I'm left hanging for a little bit. I'm hoping the Dr. will have more of a heart soon and stop leaving me so anxious, stressed, and left to wonder too much.