As The Sarah Turns

It is Trevor's turn to be addressed by me. ...... . hahhaahaa..... Boy George half joke Trevor? Do I really want to hurt you? No, I don't want to hurt you or make you cry. ..... hmmmm. I havn't made it to Aloha yet. It isn't good to be called Bradly Cooper either, but you're not really leaving a Bradly Cooper impression in a certain way on me right now. As mean as I can be, I feel I am mostly sensitive right now with both you and David. Speaking of, I hate that I have to say I know you are more my age. I would have a little more common sense to be with someone who is closer to my age. I don't want David to feel any more of a wound than what he feels. I know I have a thing for the older men and he isn't the first older guy that I've had a thing for. I'm sure he knows, and that his age doesn't feel so much like a blow. It isn't that I don't like some younger guys my age either...I know the most recent spat I had with David and that there is a further hint to take with Gwyneth and with other pics. ... I just didn't get what the facial expression he had on his face was with Gwyneth, but I think he has several Gwyneths (including me) that he is keeping played. Maybe he exclusively wants just me. If you were both sold on me, I think I would be very happy and potentially satisfied (video game structure) with either of you. And no, I'm not saying I want 2 serious boyfriends. One man woman. I've only seen one episode of "Aquarius," so far. You both seem to be anxious which is a good sign. I'm anxious too, but I only have so much time in a day, and so much time to myself. I'm not necessarily saying everything else is more important but this time of the year is the busiest time of the year for me. I have several more things going on than usual at this time. I don't want to lose either of you with the time I don't have either. I'm serious about being in person to person. It just never works out when men rely too much on the structure or socialized capitalism. I don't know where everything comes from or what to believe. I don't take everything personal, in, or with full belief. Being in person confirmation is what matters the most. I have never understood the bullshit capitalist relationships that seem to have always been. I have my own terms of credibility not just with another person but in giving myself my own believed credit. ...... I do find it awkward in talking about another man with you and also feel awkward about it with David. I'm not out to exploit or make you center of attention in ways neither of you would want. When you play your own communication and capitalist games, this is the only fairest form of communication I to have offer. It isn't my fault the way you guys keep yourself out of reach and impossible in your own ways. In another emotional way, I care enough to not make you feel like you live a lie or are being terribly deceived. I care to be real and honestly personal with you and with David. I know the conversation is directed at you but I believe he is keeping his eye on me and am letting him in on me too. I just hate the way the communication has to be! I feel dumb and that this is my own dumb cluster blog. I might as well take a piece of paper and literally scribble everywhere because this is a draft that I already want to crumble up but can't FOR THE SAKE OF ANXIETY AND COMMUNICATION.