Random

I'm going to be stuck with my Brown hair for awhile. It isn't that I feel that I look bad with my brown hair; I had just planned to get it highlighted. My hair test strip turned out as the beautician expected: very awful. The root color didn't change at all and made my hair break and look very fried looking at the ends. It really was a first for me to see something like that. I have been through 3 or 4 highlighting sets, but I didn't think my hair could ever break off like that. I have to wait a good bit of time for my hair to be highlighted again. ........... I shopped a little extra to vent my anger and make up for the fact that I can't highlight my hair. I spent a little more than usual, but the things I spent my money on were not entirely random. There were things that have been on my list for awhile that I finally got around to splurging on. I'll just have to pick up an extra shift and work 4 nights this upcoming week... Oh well. ... I'm having a hard time getting a grip on my life and the status quo it is right now. I feel such a mind block. I have a period of not knowing what to do or what to do with myself. I can't relax or be at ease enough. It is like I need to fight but don't completely know how or what to fight. I can't stand feeling deceived or lied to, and I'm at such an angst to discover some information that I most likely don't want to know. I have a certain fear of the unknown: more gangsterism, damnation, despair, possible more terrible things to have to find out about. I've always felt a loss of control over my life and can't bear the thought of losing more. I'm in a panic where I can't give myself enough of a relief or know what to do about yet. On edge.............