Push Push Push

Sometimes, I put too much on my plate with things to be done. I missed the inflatable 5k today and I'm upset. I tossed and turned most of the night last night and once again, I am my own victim to insomnia. I probably had at least 2-3 full hours of sleep, but when my alarm went off, I just wasn't feeling it. My wave was supposed to start 10 mins earlier from now. People are already on their way through the course. The weather reporting was too hot. I just couldn't picture myself running a full 5k through 95 degree heat. I think it is supposed to be up to 98 today. I just wasn't motivated enough to get up. There is one more in August I plan on, or I'll just have to try harder to look up another one. So much for going out and eating spaghetti. Still a good meal. I'll have to make up for some of it later on the treadmill probably tomorrow. My money still gets to go to charity, so I still have something to feel good about......... I added on one more craft show to the usual ones I have this year. It's a big one and all the way in Ocean City. I'm looking forward to it. On the way home, I'll probably add a stripper stop. It is between Atlantic City and Philadelphia. I've never been to either. Philadelphia would probably be the more convenient one. It would be a little bit of a thrill to take a ferry to Atlantic City. I've never been on a ferry before, but I'm not too sure of what I think of going to Jersey. I think that after all my crafting shows are done in the fall is when I'll start looking for another job other than stripping. For now, stripping probably would be the best convenient job to have with the number of things I have to juggle right now. I still don't have enough time but trying to keep the perfect balance of time and money is the main goal to keep.

Mr. Obvious

I know you're watching me.....I'm sorry I don't know your name. ... hmmmm. ok. So, I talk to the arbitrage in my life sometimes. I never said that it was always clear... You do look like Jack a little but I never meant to take anything too personal with you. Bit you some. You have a little bit of an unfair aggression and if I were to read your mind, I would guess you were giving yourself a lot of credit and looking at me with: "what's a man to do?" I do find you to be attractive and obviously so. I have a lot of men in my life who are my problem and the most common problem you look is another player who wants to play. I'm a bit of a Don Draper in my own right. I can be snobby at times. I seriously keep a lot of my drama and thoughts to myself. I don't let a lot of people in. My sense of independence greatly matters to me. While I can't put the movie "wicked" on you as I can with a certain few men in the arbitrage; I guess I could say I felt a little threatened by you. But, I personally was meaning to mind my own business with you and Paris specifically as a couple. She seems to be playing a certain number of men and I hear she has an official boyfriend, but if I have any point with Paris, I'm seriously not out to make a friend of her or get close with her. I don't like the way she feels the need to butt in some of my business. I don't like the way she sometimes gets a little too dominate or controlling either. A lot of it is from a distance and I plan on wanting to protect the distance. .... I don't believe you are fully gay either. If you're going to be called "gay" I would call you bisexual. I'm sorry I don't know your name Mr. Obvious. You have your own abstractness in some of the arbitrage and you probably did pierce me in some of it. I don't know if you are one of my "death eaters," but maybe you could want to fill my mind with lots of doubt, possible lies, attacking words, and reasons to be depressed. I don't always know where something comes from. I'm obviously in a weakened state of being and I don't want to be played right now. I'm more of the serious type overall. You look mad but please be gentle. .... ~fading and knowing I can't entirely disappear ~ ............