What to do New Years

Christmas was mostly good. I'm not sure how spoiled Mitzi will be in years to come, but this year, she was very spoiled. I feel like I got her too much, but was glad to have been able to give a lot to her. Speaking of spoiled, she was a spoiled brat about it, and just couldn't seem to have enough presents. I think she's still too young to know any better at being a brat about it, and she is just so adorable. ................So far, I'm pretty excited to go to stripping in Pittsburgh. The club that I've called ahead for sounds a little more intimidating due to the fact that their dancers wear gowns on some days, and the first day there, I will be required to wear one. There is going to be a Hockey game that day. I wonder if that Sid guy still plays lol. I have snubbed Shawn out of my life either way, but would bet Sid's name was used sometimes to talk to Shawn in the arbitrage. Wearing a gown adds on to the excitement because I like to dress up. I picked "Blush." I probably will be dancing for another 3 months or maybe even longer, so why not just invest just a little more? I'll make a little more of the rest of my time and possibly add on to my travels. Colorado, Texas, and Florida sounds fun. New York is probably the most dangerous place of all where I just don't have the urge to go yet... I havn't decided how long I'm going to be in Pittsburgh for. It sounds like I have a good impression on them already because they wanted me to work New Years eve and up until Sunday for the football game day. I already thought Friday was a stretch enough, but I'm not sure how much more of a trip I'll be making of it. For some reason, I thought New Year's eve was on Sunday, but I guess I got that confused with Christmas. I was originally thinking that I was going to go to some clubs in Morgantown on Saturday night and then spend New Years eve with Mitzi, but now I have 3 different options.......... what to do...... I really don't know. I can always go to the Morgantown clubs next weekend. Do I want to push myself for more money or spend the time with my daughter? It's a tough choice. I want to spend more time with Mitzi, but need to make more money too. It's the ongoing predicament I'm already in, but I just don't know what to do yet..... Decisions decisions.....

You want me to talk more about the Copper

the attic the attic.......... not everything is clear with talk of the attic. I was severely creeped out and in terror a few months ago. I really felt it was mostly from Zack..... Zack is not the copper though, and the attic can be used as time spent in sharing whatever you would want to pull out of it........ I really don't give Wayne the credit of being the copper. I think he gives himself the credit. I don't even know the guy's name. He was several months ago when I was off and on with David. He was wanting to put David's shady bullshit on me a little more and make me feel a responsible cheater and very manipulative in making me want to feel like a prostitute. David gave me no other choice in putting up with his bullshit, and I remain his proud cheater to this day (although I stupidly felt a little more guilty about cheating at the time). ... Someone is making a big deal out of this dude I only met one time, who anyway, was rude and seemed more interested in the other women. He kind of looks like the cowboy band member off of Steve Colbert's show which I hardly ever watch either. There was one time that he made a little bit of an emotional connection in the mind and gave me a sense of comfort. He really lost me with that arbitrage violent clown scene. The random guy looked a lot like Zack too, but that was a pretty severe hate from a questionable or unknown enemy. Coming from a hole in the ground Vietnam clown. I know you've been my main focus in the past couple months while some random men have aggressively came and went and have intentionally lingered in the arbitrage, but I'm not the one who is seeking them. I'm embarrassed about it and upset because I don't like that you could feel I am betraying you. I have no other choice to be further led on by your possessiveness, but you sometimes made me question if we're done to be done, but show further interest anyway. I'm staying around with you in my figurative and literal sense 10 hours or so away on the east coast. Sometimes I feel we get closer, more connected, and a little more serious for each other, and sometimes I feel like I'm still too much of a stranger in an involuntary way. I feel more serious for you personally and I think you're more serious for me, but I still question it some. My heart breaks in some ways because while I have a piece of you in my mind, it's like there is no chance at all. In a different doubt of belief, If I had a chance with you, we're already done to be done because of some of the aggressive trip ups. Maybe you are seduced into the thought of being my "Christian," but is it all really lust? Am I cursed to heart ache because it's still all fantasies in the mind where I will always feel like I have no real chance with you? (I usually hate the terms and phrases of "having a chance" but with you, it's more exceptional. I have had my ego swings before, but you're perfect enough for now. I hope you're not as mad anymore and that you let me into your life more. xo goodnight Jack