You want me to talk more about the Copper

the attic the attic.......... not everything is clear with talk of the attic. I was severely creeped out and in terror a few months ago. I really felt it was mostly from Zack..... Zack is not the copper though, and the attic can be used as time spent in sharing whatever you would want to pull out of it........ I really don't give Wayne the credit of being the copper. I think he gives himself the credit. I don't even know the guy's name. He was several months ago when I was off and on with David. He was wanting to put David's shady bullshit on me a little more and make me feel a responsible cheater and very manipulative in making me want to feel like a prostitute. David gave me no other choice in putting up with his bullshit, and I remain his proud cheater to this day (although I stupidly felt a little more guilty about cheating at the time). ... Someone is making a big deal out of this dude I only met one time, who anyway, was rude and seemed more interested in the other women. He kind of looks like the cowboy band member off of Steve Colbert's show which I hardly ever watch either. There was one time that he made a little bit of an emotional connection in the mind and gave me a sense of comfort. He really lost me with that arbitrage violent clown scene. The random guy looked a lot like Zack too, but that was a pretty severe hate from a questionable or unknown enemy. Coming from a hole in the ground Vietnam clown. I know you've been my main focus in the past couple months while some random men have aggressively came and went and have intentionally lingered in the arbitrage, but I'm not the one who is seeking them. I'm embarrassed about it and upset because I don't like that you could feel I am betraying you. I have no other choice to be further led on by your possessiveness, but you sometimes made me question if we're done to be done, but show further interest anyway. I'm staying around with you in my figurative and literal sense 10 hours or so away on the east coast. Sometimes I feel we get closer, more connected, and a little more serious for each other, and sometimes I feel like I'm still too much of a stranger in an involuntary way. I feel more serious for you personally and I think you're more serious for me, but I still question it some. My heart breaks in some ways because while I have a piece of you in my mind, it's like there is no chance at all. In a different doubt of belief, If I had a chance with you, we're already done to be done because of some of the aggressive trip ups. Maybe you are seduced into the thought of being my "Christian," but is it all really lust? Am I cursed to heart ache because it's still all fantasies in the mind where I will always feel like I have no real chance with you? (I usually hate the terms and phrases of "having a chance" but with you, it's more exceptional. I have had my ego swings before, but you're perfect enough for now. I hope you're not as mad anymore and that you let me into your life more. xo goodnight Jack