Lots of Random Thoughts

Such an anxious time of year. Too much to do with a lot of complications and anxiety. I am doing the same routine of sitting and looking pretty and knitting with my yarn balls, but sometimes, I don't always feel so pretty. I am a typical busy mom who doesn't even have a job yet and is overstressed and busy already. Some stresses will go away, but some remain which includes finding a job....... A lot of drama is up in the air. While I did run into a new man; he isn't putting me out of my misery enough. It was what was being said and his responsiveness that just feel I'm being lied to right now. I can't stand the way I feel lied to or left to wonder. If I never hear from him again, that is one way of knowing, but I'd rather him just put me out of my misery by being straightforward about it. I'm keeping him up in the air and there is other drama up in the air, and a lot of it, I don't have much to say..............I have several movies on my list yet to see and some of them I'm not too excited to see. I am seeing a loud signal coming from one of my enemies. I really do see Bob D'. as wanting to play cute with me with a predator/victim game. He's not even Ron! Bob D'. is Bilbo Baggins!, a harmless cute little man who just wants to sit back and smoke his pipe in the shire. Keep smoking your pipe Bob and avoid a history that has never happened. You deserve no consequences........... Bob, whatever your actions really are in the present time, YES, we are still enemies. Unless I'm somehow forced to seize your shire and make a showdown.....Bob, are you really on your shire? Bob are you somewhere in the hills or a bunker ready and waiting to shoot? Heck, you could catch me innocently playing along as a fellow hobbit smelling some flowers and shoot anyway and put any bull on me you want to. You know you and your gangster "hobbits" eventually will. This is what enemies sometimes do: avoid or deny a defiance until they can no more. I don't know how much your hobbit clock could affect my real clock Bob. You may fool others, but I'll never forget the times I have been wronged.......... Bob, if you want to live peacefully in your hobbit world, let us just hope I get a job soon, and I get one that will satisfy my real life demands enough. The original demands of MY practicality and reason. And you know what? If I did luck out and get a large wealth and money, I WOULD LET MYSELF HAVE IT. God bless me Bob.

Will you stop

(Not Random Thoughts) I see the beggar you are being on msn. You really are a painful beggar. This is a time where I hate feeling vulnerably naked in front of you, and believe it or not, your beggar makes it that much more painful. I want you to make a choice and make your mind up about me. I want you to stop being, indecisive, selfish, or gray. Right now, you're still all of the above. You don't understand how I feel when I have to scream the way I do. You don't know how embarrassed I feel with how my history has been. I still have my pride, but I know my own complications and emotions. I hate the daredevil you are with me. Will you stop being the daredevil and playing a dangerous game. If you know my history, stop testing me with it, and take me for my word at the serious hate I seriously have for people. I know you flirt with all kinds, and I don't understand why you would flirt or play games with some of my most serious enemies. I don't know what it is you expect me to do when you flirt. I can tell you still want me to keep playing the game, and I hate the way your game is played and the people you want me to feel equal to. I have never been guilty of being the nigger some people have been. I have never been guilty of being the rapist some people have been. I have never been guilty of lies, rigs, and corruption that some people have been. We obviously are of different religion and you don't understand how damaged and alone I already feel. And if you are expecting a relationship or me to see it as one, I still feel very alone in it. I feel like your battered bitch and I don't know how to resolve myself anymore. I already understand the trouble and damnation I've been in because of Jon, and I hate that he is staying persistent right now. And I have already figured out that wealthy men like you aren't structured to "He's just not that into you." I may not have you completely figured out in the head. While you know you are rich, I hate the pain I'm still in as to why my life is so damned and miserable. You will make it that way because you can. I hate the damned woman I am. I know my life should never be the way it is and I know I am not responsible for it. I know I was meant to live for more. I know I should have never been reduced to nothing. I know the capable person I am. Don't forget what a real reality I know I have to always use against you. Jon is the reason I feel like an indentured servant more than ever, and even though you may not want to be called Calvin or Hitler right now, don't think I'm naïve to think you wouldn't be one. unresolved.