David, message from cry baby

When I have such heavy weights over my shoulders, I sometimes lose my strength. I hate my life, the burdens that I have, the problems I've always been to good for. I can't stand the lack of control that I've always been insufferable to. I hate how desperate some people are to want to control, manipulate, and black mail. I hate the possessiveness and greed of some people. I can't stand being such a vulnerable victim. I don't always know when I'm being tested by you or someone else. Whether or not you're being a cheater or how much of a cheater you are; I can't stand how vulnerable I am. Do I get my hopes up for nothing when it comes to you? Are you here to be a protector that you may never really be? Why would you hang around if you're too good to be true? You sometimes get hungry to use someone and like when me or other women are attracted to you? I feel I have no other choice but to be more curious about "Spectre." But, if there is something you are getting at or something I just can't figure out, I wish you would let me in more and give me better clues what you are out for. I know I don't always know where info comes from or what to believe. I'm sorry that I'm not always strong enough to not wig out. I've always taken a calm approach and my anxiety really gets the better of me sometimes. I hate the way my life has always been. Life is so difficult to take right now and I can only try to regain my strength to fight off particular ways that I pity myself. It's not that I don't have pride when I have pity. When there is nothing I can do about some things, there is nothing I can do.