Random Thoughts

A lot has been going on lately and I have been busy as usual. I'm going through a major life change of getting another job which is something that I have wanted and have been thinking about in the past few months. I wasn't thrilled with my status quo but it was doable. I put my resume out there and was surprised to get so many responses. A lot of it was insurance companies, but I had a few that were in other positions as well. Cumberland was the worst despair of a hell hole in wanting to find a job. When I pretty much had no other choice to be a stripper at one point, I pretty much had no other choice. I enjoyed it though. There was always things I could be reminded of while on the job that this feminist knew she would hate, but I had my fun. This isn't the particular job I'm talking about though. I quit dancing around November. Every one in awhile I do the online thing but I'm so-so about it. I don't always have the time for it, and the time that I do have is when I'm already too tired. Does it matter that I still would? If I've already put myself out there before online and as a dancer, does it matter whether or not that I still would? Would it make a difference or have an effect on me? Right now, I don't care too much about the consequences and it is only a small wonder. I could get online anytime I feel like, but a lot of times I'm tired, impatient, and don't always make a significant enough amount of money... Back to my main focus, I'm both excited and anxious about the new job. I had one other job that is still open for me should I choose to go back to it which I'm very grateful for. It was a tough choice in deciding between the two jobs, but I chose to go with the business consultant one. They are both commissioned jobs but I think I'll have better starting luck with the one I chose. They both had their ups and downs. I know I would have liked the hours better with the insurance job. They would both be decent money in the long run and the business consultant won't always be the same hours once I am done with the program. It is still a good two years at the most and a set schedule I will be stuck with for awhile. ................... This Easter weekend. It was a tough choice too. I really need my personal breaks from Mitzi every now and then. Not everything is always convenient. Her grandparents live a good 5 hours away and driving back and forth is no cake walk. So many places are closed on Easter, so I wouldn't have been able to work either way. I could have traditionally taken her to church with me which is something we haven't done in a long time which I wouldn't mind doing every once in awhile. I just never have the time for it. When I need the money; I just do. But, she will be with her grandparents. I'm looking forward to all of the time that I'm having with myself up until this Sunday. While having a one night stand is something that is always possible, I'm seriously thinking about getting into one this weekend. I'll push him into giving me a little company Easter day and invite him to go to the casino or a movie or even somewhere to eat with me. It'd be Dutch. I just don't want to go to church on my own without Mitzi. It just wouldn't be the same. All the families would be there together and I'm a single mom whose kid is elsewhere. I just wouldn't like feeling out of place without Mitzi...... I thought about calling up this dude I met last weekend, but I think I did scare him off when I mentioned I was 5 years older with a kid (he never called). While I saw a few guys at tequila cowboy who was older than me, I felt too old to be there wanting to club around with a mostly younger crowd. I figured "Hey, where have all the cowboys gone and I want to go get me a cowboy." and I did find someone. He looked a lot like Travis and that was one catch. The other catch was that he was partying with his friends who sounded like they were going to be out all night even after it closed right at 2:00am and I didn't want to be out so late and have to wait so long, so I just rather go home and go to bed. He had a really good approach though. I liked the way he threw himself on me and was a little aggressive. He tried to make out with me about the second song we were dancing too, but I just wasn't drunk enough to let myself not care like that. I was also paranoid that he could have had ecstasy or something in his mouth he could have wanted to trick me into drugging me with. I was just too much of an older mom. I felt bad because I didn't want him to feel embarrassed over the way I rejected his kiss, so I kissed him on the cheek. I still think Tequila cowboys is probably one place to go though if someone wants to get laid; it must be where all of the cowboys go. I didn't understand the other arbitrage there was with a Sidney look alike either. The cops were yelling at him and kicked him out of the club and he was arguing with them some over something for some reason. He kind of looked like a pimp and it could have been the cops pointing at Sidney with he was the one who threw a Travis look alike on me, but I'm not sure what it was all about. The scene was right in front of me when I was getting ready to go to the lot. I had no other choice to be slow and hesitant when I was walking behind the 3 cops who were yelling at him and walking in the same direction. They asked if I was with him and I said "No; is it safe to walk to the parking lot?" One coolly said "Yeah," and the other abruptly and quickly said "yes," like there was no threat at all. I did make to my car safely though without him approaching me. I didn't know what that was all about. Good lord, for my own sake, I'm just out to look for a cowboy at my own leisure. ....Still going to be working a lot this weekend but will make sometime for fun. Sunday is going to be funday because it is the one day I can't work at all. Casino, movies, good restaurant, and I plan on looking up some local trail for a walk. So much to do, whatever I have the time for anyway