Random Thoughts

I always have so many things going on. While there have always been negative and terrible things; my life is in the medium/ middle. It still isn't what I would idealize a regular medium to be, but I don't feel too awful right now. I'm doing what I can to manage my time management and budget but things don't always work out the way that I want them to. I'm not ahead of my bills enough where I can have two nights out a week, but I'm not in the hole too much. I needed the nights out more than I needed to worry about the money. While I can't call myself the biggest ho, I'm almost at my biggest level of ho-dome, but can't say I'm as much of a hoe as I've ever been. I'm a ho with both real guys and Bollywood. (I went back to Tequila Cowboys and found me a cowboy) I feel comfortable though. I feel good. Sometimes, I hate being thrown in the next dead end Bollywood relationship where I can't help but fall for a guy some. It's not that I've given up on being emotional altogether; it's just nice to not have to care or feel all of the emotional worries or drama and feeling like there will always be no point. As long as some men will always be too self-centered or heartless with me, they just will. Most men are scarecrows or tin-mens who either have no heart or brain or both. You have to have some kind of brain to have some kind of heart in some certain instances. I don't have any expectations with anyone right now. If a guy would have a certain expectation or approach from me; I usually have some kind of expectation in return. It always always always takes two to tango. I feel mostly good about being mostly carefree in this past week; I was fine in being single. .... Although I wish my finances were better I can't regret the way I spent my money too much. Spending a lot on Mitzi's birthday was one punch to the wallet but it was worth it to know I'm trying to make her happy and keep her cheered up in some ways. I have my regular set of bills to pay in my mind, and then I have all of these random expenses which mostly can't be controlled. I did make a decent amount of money for the week, but the ride wasn't as smooth as I wanted it to be. I can only keep fixing the small mistakes in my end with my time management while dealing in impatience with the uncontrollable hustle and bustle of the busy city.