Random

These past couple weeks have been very frustrating. I have weeks where it isn't hard to plan and stick to a schedule at all. With how much I have wanted to stick with a planned schedule last week and this week; it has been impossible with too many hurdles. There is not enough time already and now there is really not enough time with Christmas just a few days away. I did a dipshit move about a week ago which cost me over 100.00 to get my entire break light fixed. I wasn't crossing my T's and dotting my i's enough when putting my car in reverse and accidentally hit a mailbox. (The mailbox stood strong). With the way Pittsburgh roads are and just how narrow some are, it isn't difficult for a person to get a few bangs and bruises on their car, but some simple dipshit move of mine was costly. It was costly on top of another car repair that I will be getting fixed very soon. It is just too frustrating to have so many expenses in this month. A person can't but help to want to shop for their self with all the deals and steals that go on. Shopping is so irresistible. … In my other self demands, I have had a strong urge to go to the casino in the past few weeks. I really meant to go today. Instead, I got a little more Christmas shopping done and had to wait to get my car fixed. I also chose to go the long haul with the calls. One call took me too much across town from the casino that by the time that I would have traveled to the casino, I wouldn't have enough time at all. I can at least feel some sense of satisfaction and responsibility with the extra amount of money that I made, but I can't stand to have to keep postponing my free time and the fun I could be having. As much as I want to get out this week; I most likely won't be able to. I will be stuck with my same drill and routine with getting last minute Christmas shopping done and taking some Uber calls. … While I am glad to get one home project out of the way, I still have a little ways to go in getting ready for the dating scene. I see a major change of pace in the next couple of months after I get through with some projects and I am a little antsy about the dating. Although I can't get out as much as I want, am I really ready to settle down? I plan on including in the online dating site that I am definitely a type that likes to get out and go on dates, but I have a minor phobia when finally finding just one. It isn't that I've ever wanted more than one. It is a much different state of being serious with someone even though some bollywoods occasionally want to make me feel some seriousness is there. I've always been wanting to break away more and more from the bollywoods but that has always been the only thing that seems to have been there. It is still not the acceptable status quo. I have a few other minor phobias towards the dating scene and I am hoping that in the long run it would be worth it to endure going through some minor phobias to find the right match. Even when a person is not even completely in love right away, it is still work to find, to date, to be in a relationship with someone. The better the match, the less work it will feel. It is what I would believe to be true anyway. I feel I will have my last few solo independent pre-bachelorette parties before being more serious in the dating scene. I gotta have a few more serious weekend clubbing nights and a one night stand or two. I will get some of the party out of my system and then let myself feel too old to have such a bachelorette lifestyle. I have a month or two to spare before I get some home projects done....

Random Thoughts

I had another weekend where I just didn't win either way. I did attempt to go out. I wore a dress and had one drink at a bar I went to eat at. It was one of those nights where I was going to both go out and get some calls in between places to just add a few more calls in. I should have made myself get a cup of coffee or a latte prior because one call after the restaurant, I was exhausted. I took two more calls anyway, but knew I was going to go home. The thought of cuddling up in my bed with my new flannel sheet set was all I really wanted to do. When I do what I want to do, it was it's small win. But, if I wasn't going to even go out, it should have been a night where I still had an overload of calls and made more of my time. I was too tired and I still have a little regret in not getting some coffee, but my bed was so comfy and I was asleep 2 mins after laying down. Nothing too thrilling. With all the things I have to be anxious of, I just didn't help myself out enough this weekend. I made decent money but could have made so much more if I had meant and focused on wanting to work more. What kept me working some on Friday was that I had my first puke incident with a customer. Fortunately, it was around 1 am, so he didn't take all my hours, but I could have gotten about another hour and a half in with the boost money. I just couldn't be kind or patient with this one and kept him scolded with: "How could you not feel your puke coming? I always know when I am going to throw up." While I didn't see him, I sure heard him. It was kind of when an unintentional cough, burp, or sneeze comes out, but most people just know when they are going to puke. I even pulled over and tried to coax him to get the rest of it out, and he was like, "no seriously, I'm really done." He didn't do it another time and was very apologetic and I let him feel like shit with a small apology "I'm sorry you're sick but..." I've heard of people charging people 50.00 through Uber for it, but I never reported it to Uber. He only had 10.00 in cash that he gave me and I asked for another 15.00 in the tip part of the app where he never made the deal he said he would. "I'll give you anything you ask for," is what he said. Inconsiderate liar..... I made some close to extreme choice with the spending this week and my best excuse is that it is Christmas time. The second excuse was over how much pain I've been in lately and especially in being broke either way and having had too much of a torment when it comes to shopping. I've had so many items and stores in mind where I am just dying and in torment to want to buy some things that I just can't get around to buying. I had a couple of important splurges and then a slightly guilty one. I knew I would neither feel better or worse with the excuses and circumstances but in a couple of weeks from now I just may be kicking myself with "why can't I be more strict with myself and get out of my rut?" I do have several serious long term spending goals that I can't reach either. Tax season is just a couple of months away and I am hoping for a definite refund with childcare, and the expenses I have with my car. I usually can get back in a better financial line when I get the money back. I was able to pay off one entire loan last year and used another chunk of money on another one....There is so much I wish I could change with the status quo I have right now in working so many hours, but I know I am still so much better off than I was before. I think the issue of the status quo will never change in this lifetime and that people will always want more and there will always be more to want in life. I still wish my status quo was better. I always seem to get both closer and further away in being able to make it change more. I'm glad to finally have bought my kitchen chairs but this place still needs more décor. I wish I could afford to get a garage with all of my extra crafting storage. My bedroom definitely looks like a hoarder's domain. I wish I could afford to take more time off to have more fun nights, date nights, and social life days for Mitzi and I both. Mitzi at least has girl scouts for now. I was hoping I could have my start in January, but it probably won't be until after tax season that I can cut back on the work hours. It is Christmas.