Random Thoughts

I had another weekend where I just didn't win either way. I did attempt to go out. I wore a dress and had one drink at a bar I went to eat at. It was one of those nights where I was going to both go out and get some calls in between places to just add a few more calls in. I should have made myself get a cup of coffee or a latte prior because one call after the restaurant, I was exhausted. I took two more calls anyway, but knew I was going to go home. The thought of cuddling up in my bed with my new flannel sheet set was all I really wanted to do. When I do what I want to do, it was it's small win. But, if I wasn't going to even go out, it should have been a night where I still had an overload of calls and made more of my time. I was too tired and I still have a little regret in not getting some coffee, but my bed was so comfy and I was asleep 2 mins after laying down. Nothing too thrilling. With all the things I have to be anxious of, I just didn't help myself out enough this weekend. I made decent money but could have made so much more if I had meant and focused on wanting to work more. What kept me working some on Friday was that I had my first puke incident with a customer. Fortunately, it was around 1 am, so he didn't take all my hours, but I could have gotten about another hour and a half in with the boost money. I just couldn't be kind or patient with this one and kept him scolded with: "How could you not feel your puke coming? I always know when I am going to throw up." While I didn't see him, I sure heard him. It was kind of when an unintentional cough, burp, or sneeze comes out, but most people just know when they are going to puke. I even pulled over and tried to coax him to get the rest of it out, and he was like, "no seriously, I'm really done." He didn't do it another time and was very apologetic and I let him feel like shit with a small apology "I'm sorry you're sick but..." I've heard of people charging people 50.00 through Uber for it, but I never reported it to Uber. He only had 10.00 in cash that he gave me and I asked for another 15.00 in the tip part of the app where he never made the deal he said he would. "I'll give you anything you ask for," is what he said. Inconsiderate liar..... I made some close to extreme choice with the spending this week and my best excuse is that it is Christmas time. The second excuse was over how much pain I've been in lately and especially in being broke either way and having had too much of a torment when it comes to shopping. I've had so many items and stores in mind where I am just dying and in torment to want to buy some things that I just can't get around to buying. I had a couple of important splurges and then a slightly guilty one. I knew I would neither feel better or worse with the excuses and circumstances but in a couple of weeks from now I just may be kicking myself with "why can't I be more strict with myself and get out of my rut?" I do have several serious long term spending goals that I can't reach either. Tax season is just a couple of months away and I am hoping for a definite refund with childcare, and the expenses I have with my car. I usually can get back in a better financial line when I get the money back. I was able to pay off one entire loan last year and used another chunk of money on another one....There is so much I wish I could change with the status quo I have right now in working so many hours, but I know I am still so much better off than I was before. I think the issue of the status quo will never change in this lifetime and that people will always want more and there will always be more to want in life. I still wish my status quo was better. I always seem to get both closer and further away in being able to make it change more. I'm glad to finally have bought my kitchen chairs but this place still needs more décor. I wish I could afford to get a garage with all of my extra crafting storage. My bedroom definitely looks like a hoarder's domain. I wish I could afford to take more time off to have more fun nights, date nights, and social life days for Mitzi and I both. Mitzi at least has girl scouts for now. I was hoping I could have my start in January, but it probably won't be until after tax season that I can cut back on the work hours. It is Christmas.