Yes, once again a day for a lot of thoughts. ......
I'm on a break right now; I picked up some overtime hours for word and have some spare time. The holidays really aren't bad to pick up overtime in this time of my life. It's actually more of a convenience. I'm already broke; most places are closed anyway where I may actually be in need. So, it isn't bad to have an excuse to not stress over bills and other things because it is the holiday season where everyone else is busy with their holiday time anyway.
I am always looking for ways to be content, but I still will not settle where I am in life right now. I still think about a future, but being so vulnerable; I do not want to make any solid plans right now because it is a cruel world. Some people would go through any lengths to make a person miserable. Speaking of, I still get sexually harassed and assaulted from time to time. It is done in a corrupt way where law cannot officially go through its legal system. Still, just because law can't justify or define it; it does not mean that sexual crimes cease to exist. I really don't give much satisfaction, and moreso, a natural realness of homicide. Some people may actually read it; some may not get it at all. Anyway, it is one major problem to have to deal with.
Speaking of problems, this is one good example of a pig:
EU refuses to ban denial of communist crimes
http://rt.com/politics/european-commission-communist-crimes/
Some people really are accepting and do not mind communism. It works for the people as a whole, and some people feel a little more satisfied in that.
However, I'm not one of those people. Not only do some people have no shame with communism; they even have the nerve to say that criticism: positive or negative, should not be criminalized. In layman's terms it is like a Nazi bitching because a Jew victim recalled years later of his complaints of a Holocaust. I think they even do use the Holocaust as an example. Now, that is what a pig is.
As angry as I get at the U.S. one of the ammendments I will never forget (even though this ammendment is sometimes not even considered, regarded, and even neglected), is FREE SPEECH. There is a list of other freedoms, but in the present time, even though it is a U.S. declaration, it doesn't really seem that way at all. But, when I try to think positive thoughts or say something nice about our country, I can at least say that it was an ammendment that was written in history whether American law is taken seriously or not.
I don't have any plans for the holiday. I don't even know if I am going to get any Christmas presents. I didn't get anyone anything, so I won't take it hard at all if I don't get anything. I don't expect anything. I at least am already working, so I don't have to worry about figuring out what to with my time on Christmas eve. I'll have to figure something out though on Christmas day with the scant budget I have.
Speaking of free speech, yes, there are some things that are far from appropriate and some things that should be strictly for mature audiences. But, forgetting about my own offenses, and things that offend other people, I put an older mixed cd in my car today and cruised to. I really love to freely listen to good music and cruise around. Despite some past serious drama; people who hate because they want to; and me being paranoid of homicidal religious extremists, I still like the literal musical sound and even wildness (in human to human sense) of this song:
HILARIOUS VERSION
I just had to share it.
Nothing else going on. I hope to hear from the guy I'm dating soon. He even labeled us as dating!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!! so, I hope to hear from him soon. He better call me.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Today's Thoughts
Well, actually there is a lot of news out there.
Someone wants to play Dr again and tell me how to live. I think I'm going to be a purposeful selective listener. This is the only thing I'll listen to:
http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2010/12/10/10-careers-mostly-likely-to-make-you-depressed/?icid=maing%7Cmain5%7C6%7Clink4%7C30736
The list could go on for reasons for me to be depressed even when it is outside of careers. It's funny though because every single place I've worked, one of the jobs is on the list, even in my own B.S. degree.
I still consider myself to have years ahead of me. I'm working through my financial situation in the patient time I have. But I've already decided, during this time where I am limited with my finances, there is only so much that I can do. Even artists are in this category. I don't mind spending times in creating crafts. It is a hobby that really isn't that bad. I'd rather do that than do other things with my time with the limited amount of money that I have. It's not really anything that can tie me down to a particular place. There will always be craft shows elsewhere, so if I ever do move it is something I can take with me. I like to learn additional skills and realize the limits that I have with money in getting supplies.
There are plenty of other dreams I would like to fulfill. In the meantime, this is what I do within my financial limits.
I havn't heard from my newest romance yet, so I'm just going to take my time and see how it works out and just be patient and cool.
But, I did have a wierd coincidence. I havn't even been watching Jimmy Fallon, and he has even had a current song with Paul McCartney with scrambled eggs. It's funny that I gave that title to my last blog. I wasn't even talking about McCartney, but I wonder what he is thinking with what I wrote. He could be connected, but I wasn't necessarily directing the "Paul," character at him. But, it is pretty funny.
Yes, I made a comment a good while ago when talking to someone about car language. Maybe he is making jokes and jabs at me for what kind of car I said I was when telling a story. I don't know, but he's happily carrying it on.
Then Angelina. Angelina has enough fame and movies to brag about for a lifetime. I feel a little sorry with how they come across with her not being the number 1 movie, but I'm sure she is smart and mature enough to know that people will not always be the constant number 1 at everything. She probably has a lot of paparazzi and interrogators so ready to judge her reaction of being the current second best. It's something that will pass. It also depends on how much she invests in caring in her movie career profession. She has plenty of other things going on in her life that I think she'll still be fine.
I do want to see that movie, I'd also like to see Swan Lake. I havn't even seen the second sequel of the Chronicles of Narnia yet. The first one I've seen though really wasn't that bad. I'd want to see the second though before I see the third.
I havn't really been keeping up with up-to-date politics. Of all of the connections I have, politics should probably be first on my list. The thing is, when I think about something, I really think about something before I talk about it. It takes a lot of energy. I'm sure someone else somewhere has me organized in their world anyway to say things. There is just too much going on right now, and I don't feel like getting my energy drained over something I'm not even paid for. I really don't work myself up too much anymore for a lot of things.
I see my reality the way I see my reality, I can be spontaneous, yet I'm not anyone's slave.
Someone wants to play Dr again and tell me how to live. I think I'm going to be a purposeful selective listener. This is the only thing I'll listen to:
http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2010/12/10/10-careers-mostly-likely-to-make-you-depressed/?icid=maing%7Cmain5%7C6%7Clink4%7C30736
The list could go on for reasons for me to be depressed even when it is outside of careers. It's funny though because every single place I've worked, one of the jobs is on the list, even in my own B.S. degree.
I still consider myself to have years ahead of me. I'm working through my financial situation in the patient time I have. But I've already decided, during this time where I am limited with my finances, there is only so much that I can do. Even artists are in this category. I don't mind spending times in creating crafts. It is a hobby that really isn't that bad. I'd rather do that than do other things with my time with the limited amount of money that I have. It's not really anything that can tie me down to a particular place. There will always be craft shows elsewhere, so if I ever do move it is something I can take with me. I like to learn additional skills and realize the limits that I have with money in getting supplies.
There are plenty of other dreams I would like to fulfill. In the meantime, this is what I do within my financial limits.
I havn't heard from my newest romance yet, so I'm just going to take my time and see how it works out and just be patient and cool.
But, I did have a wierd coincidence. I havn't even been watching Jimmy Fallon, and he has even had a current song with Paul McCartney with scrambled eggs. It's funny that I gave that title to my last blog. I wasn't even talking about McCartney, but I wonder what he is thinking with what I wrote. He could be connected, but I wasn't necessarily directing the "Paul," character at him. But, it is pretty funny.
Yes, I made a comment a good while ago when talking to someone about car language. Maybe he is making jokes and jabs at me for what kind of car I said I was when telling a story. I don't know, but he's happily carrying it on.
Then Angelina. Angelina has enough fame and movies to brag about for a lifetime. I feel a little sorry with how they come across with her not being the number 1 movie, but I'm sure she is smart and mature enough to know that people will not always be the constant number 1 at everything. She probably has a lot of paparazzi and interrogators so ready to judge her reaction of being the current second best. It's something that will pass. It also depends on how much she invests in caring in her movie career profession. She has plenty of other things going on in her life that I think she'll still be fine.
I do want to see that movie, I'd also like to see Swan Lake. I havn't even seen the second sequel of the Chronicles of Narnia yet. The first one I've seen though really wasn't that bad. I'd want to see the second though before I see the third.
I havn't really been keeping up with up-to-date politics. Of all of the connections I have, politics should probably be first on my list. The thing is, when I think about something, I really think about something before I talk about it. It takes a lot of energy. I'm sure someone else somewhere has me organized in their world anyway to say things. There is just too much going on right now, and I don't feel like getting my energy drained over something I'm not even paid for. I really don't work myself up too much anymore for a lot of things.
I see my reality the way I see my reality, I can be spontaneous, yet I'm not anyone's slave.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
lots of them
Surprise surprise more rumors going around
In my dilemma I direct the blame more to a class issue than accurate accountability. I'm poor; to have honest and fairly accounted judgement against the wealthy is not something I would see as being possible.
So, when I brush off additional demonization and condemenation, people may have a slight understanding why. Can't please everyone. Of all the things to be ridiculed harassed and pigeon-holed with, at least this time it will not be over feeling too guilty.
I'm not sure and have no comment concerning this posting:
I think what is more obvious is a plotted ridicule. However, I thought it was cute and enjoyed the entertainment.
I did enjoy this one and it was definitely more obviously directed at me:
http://msn.careerbuilder.com/Article/MSN-2456-Workplace-Issues-12-Traits-of-a-Great-Boss/?SiteId=cbmsnhp42456&sc_extcmp=JS_2456_home1>1=23000
To be a further translator: The guy feels imprisoned by my criticism of how to be a boss. And, he may feel guilty either for the way he has bossed me in the past or he feels guilty altogether in taking an entitlement where he should be my boss. Instead of taking it too hard, he is strong to have fun with it and create a story over it. In the end, I think he compares me as a female version of Will Ferrel. I like Will Ferrel, and everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I prefer not to be viewed as him. I'm sure he has a serious side, but I think there are rare instances that he is probably taken seriously. I like to be taken seriously and maybe even nerdy and/or conversationally backed up. I like to have fun; but I'm not out to have fun all of the time.
The thing I worry more over is that I think it is down to two definite people and I fear that I may guess the wrong person.
........................
I recieve a lot of hate and harassment that I don't always talk about. I don't like to give credit or a lot of acknowledgement to people who hate on me or give serious threats.
At work though, it seemed like an obvious set up call where my workplace might have not been responsible. With some people in my life I think there are endless possibilities. Anyway, I made a call and on the other line that was even an 800 number, there was an eventual silence where I could barely hear someone breathing in silence on the other end. It was definitely meant to be terrifying and honestly I was but that does not mean I will let the terror dictate me. I was very rude back to them and hung up on them. I spoke a little to the other caller at the same time.
To further my thoughts, with some words that were used, I assume maybe they were symbolizing feelings with me. But, it wasn't clear with directives.
On one end, they were either bad with math and wanted to accuse me of being responsible for slave labor.
On the other end, they were mad that I am mad against slave labor.
I did not quite get it, it was only meant to be terrorizing.
I did the usual and sometimes write things by myself (knowing I'm being watched) and made a couple of comments.
The comment I feel the need to bring up and say in simplest of ways is that I think free will and free choice is more important and a higher priority than nature or systems. Some people get so closed into their thinking it seems that they forget what free will means with all of the pigeon-holing. And in an additional as usual, there should always be a reason and balance, and intelligent and mature management when it involves some issues. I definitely think free will is more important and it brings about another importance which is having good judgement. Life is not always fair, that is the other puzzling dilemma and I do not want to spend any more time in discussing my personal life or further opinion in a side trail of being fair.
But in an endless conclusion, free will and free choice should be more important that nature and system.
In my dilemma I direct the blame more to a class issue than accurate accountability. I'm poor; to have honest and fairly accounted judgement against the wealthy is not something I would see as being possible.
So, when I brush off additional demonization and condemenation, people may have a slight understanding why. Can't please everyone. Of all the things to be ridiculed harassed and pigeon-holed with, at least this time it will not be over feeling too guilty.
I'm not sure and have no comment concerning this posting:
I think what is more obvious is a plotted ridicule. However, I thought it was cute and enjoyed the entertainment.
I did enjoy this one and it was definitely more obviously directed at me:
http://msn.careerbuilder.com/Article/MSN-2456-Workplace-Issues-12-Traits-of-a-Great-Boss/?SiteId=cbmsnhp42456&sc_extcmp=JS_2456_home1>1=23000
To be a further translator: The guy feels imprisoned by my criticism of how to be a boss. And, he may feel guilty either for the way he has bossed me in the past or he feels guilty altogether in taking an entitlement where he should be my boss. Instead of taking it too hard, he is strong to have fun with it and create a story over it. In the end, I think he compares me as a female version of Will Ferrel. I like Will Ferrel, and everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I prefer not to be viewed as him. I'm sure he has a serious side, but I think there are rare instances that he is probably taken seriously. I like to be taken seriously and maybe even nerdy and/or conversationally backed up. I like to have fun; but I'm not out to have fun all of the time.
The thing I worry more over is that I think it is down to two definite people and I fear that I may guess the wrong person.
........................
I recieve a lot of hate and harassment that I don't always talk about. I don't like to give credit or a lot of acknowledgement to people who hate on me or give serious threats.
At work though, it seemed like an obvious set up call where my workplace might have not been responsible. With some people in my life I think there are endless possibilities. Anyway, I made a call and on the other line that was even an 800 number, there was an eventual silence where I could barely hear someone breathing in silence on the other end. It was definitely meant to be terrifying and honestly I was but that does not mean I will let the terror dictate me. I was very rude back to them and hung up on them. I spoke a little to the other caller at the same time.
To further my thoughts, with some words that were used, I assume maybe they were symbolizing feelings with me. But, it wasn't clear with directives.
On one end, they were either bad with math and wanted to accuse me of being responsible for slave labor.
On the other end, they were mad that I am mad against slave labor.
I did not quite get it, it was only meant to be terrorizing.
I did the usual and sometimes write things by myself (knowing I'm being watched) and made a couple of comments.
The comment I feel the need to bring up and say in simplest of ways is that I think free will and free choice is more important and a higher priority than nature or systems. Some people get so closed into their thinking it seems that they forget what free will means with all of the pigeon-holing. And in an additional as usual, there should always be a reason and balance, and intelligent and mature management when it involves some issues. I definitely think free will is more important and it brings about another importance which is having good judgement. Life is not always fair, that is the other puzzling dilemma and I do not want to spend any more time in discussing my personal life or further opinion in a side trail of being fair.
But in an endless conclusion, free will and free choice should be more important that nature and system.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
tired
Nothing new.
I see a few things that I keep to myself.
Other things, call it social masterbating, whatever, I feel like saying what is on my mind.
It really revolves around the idea of philosophy, beliefs, maturity, and level of intelligence.
It starts with judgement and emotion.
Different people act and react with different personalities and characteristics from there.
People usually don't consider themselves emotional. The most arrogant will proclaim only their own intelligence.
I feel mostly disgusted by a lot of things.
I guess that I feel I'm in the dessert too long and I need at least another mirage to get me by.
Of course mirages really don't do, but it is at least a distraction of a more happy thought.
If I saw Maggie correctly, I still feel very misunderstood by her.
I guess I'm just tired of having to constantly stand my ground. Not just with her, but with loads of other people. I have not yet found a new crowd to fit in with, yet there are still dingleberries in the matrix. Its as if there is some level of care, but its not even a conversational or real friendship.
Some relationships (nonromantic) with people are hard to describe. There is a potential of renewal one day, but right now, I just don't have anything left in me to care.
I saw one guy I had a crush on awhile ago. It has been so long, I really don't care whatever it was he said that must have pissed me off.
It is a different kind of norm that I feel uncomfortable in adjusting to.
He is the type of guy that likes to be pursued by women. We're both twins on this matter (men in my case). I guess I could be more picky in how I like to be pursued, but I could be wrong.
Anyway, he is a guy I could see myself being in a relationship with if he had a different way.
In thinking of him, I reflect in general at past flings I have had. I feel I did speak the truth, but times have changed since I first moved back in MD in 07. I feel slightly embarassed for somethings I say actually. I still wish I had a friend or buddy I could talk to about other people. I need a secondary source of conversation sometimes. Even though I have been on my own for quite sometime, I still hate the feeling of sometimes feeling trapped and left to keep everything to myself.
The thought of being with him, like all of the other guys, I hate the idea of feeling I have to try so hard to keep a man around. I appreciate his honesty, but at the same time, I hate the idea of always being the pursuer. I hate the feeling of constant onesidedness and chasing. It almost makes me feel like a beggar and I eventually feel unattractive and a little less confident. Even if he enjoyed my company, if he enjoyed me enough, he would make a mutual effort.
It would be something new to try, but I feel I already know myself on this matter. I feel I already predict I would be unsatisfied and no different in the end.
I see a few things that I keep to myself.
Other things, call it social masterbating, whatever, I feel like saying what is on my mind.
It really revolves around the idea of philosophy, beliefs, maturity, and level of intelligence.
It starts with judgement and emotion.
Different people act and react with different personalities and characteristics from there.
People usually don't consider themselves emotional. The most arrogant will proclaim only their own intelligence.
I feel mostly disgusted by a lot of things.
I guess that I feel I'm in the dessert too long and I need at least another mirage to get me by.
Of course mirages really don't do, but it is at least a distraction of a more happy thought.
If I saw Maggie correctly, I still feel very misunderstood by her.
I guess I'm just tired of having to constantly stand my ground. Not just with her, but with loads of other people. I have not yet found a new crowd to fit in with, yet there are still dingleberries in the matrix. Its as if there is some level of care, but its not even a conversational or real friendship.
Some relationships (nonromantic) with people are hard to describe. There is a potential of renewal one day, but right now, I just don't have anything left in me to care.
I saw one guy I had a crush on awhile ago. It has been so long, I really don't care whatever it was he said that must have pissed me off.
It is a different kind of norm that I feel uncomfortable in adjusting to.
He is the type of guy that likes to be pursued by women. We're both twins on this matter (men in my case). I guess I could be more picky in how I like to be pursued, but I could be wrong.
Anyway, he is a guy I could see myself being in a relationship with if he had a different way.
In thinking of him, I reflect in general at past flings I have had. I feel I did speak the truth, but times have changed since I first moved back in MD in 07. I feel slightly embarassed for somethings I say actually. I still wish I had a friend or buddy I could talk to about other people. I need a secondary source of conversation sometimes. Even though I have been on my own for quite sometime, I still hate the feeling of sometimes feeling trapped and left to keep everything to myself.
The thought of being with him, like all of the other guys, I hate the idea of feeling I have to try so hard to keep a man around. I appreciate his honesty, but at the same time, I hate the idea of always being the pursuer. I hate the feeling of constant onesidedness and chasing. It almost makes me feel like a beggar and I eventually feel unattractive and a little less confident. Even if he enjoyed my company, if he enjoyed me enough, he would make a mutual effort.
It would be something new to try, but I feel I already know myself on this matter. I feel I already predict I would be unsatisfied and no different in the end.
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